GQ Profile Finally Makes it to Print

And now, for the printed version. Jason Zengerle, the journalist who introduced us to "Aqua Buddha" can finally autograph the hard copy of his Rand Paul profile in GQ. Those who want to hear more about what Rand did back in the day will be disappointed: Zengerle adds nothing of substance to the extended "dance mix" of his earlier profile.

Plainly, Paul sells magazines. GQ took its online profile by Zengerle from August 9 -- the big Aqua Buddha expose -- and retooled it for the actual version of GQ that gets printed on paper and sold on news stands and to subscribers.

The newer, printed version includes Zengerle's first-person narrative of his role in making Aqua Buddha a house-hold name. (That is, the journalist covering himself as a player.)

Not much else is new, certainly nothing to compare with the NoZe Brotherhood at Baylor University. The NoZe Brotherhood, by the way, ironically should make Paul more mainstream in the eyes of the Left. As Zingerle reported in his August on-line piece, one NoZe Brother commented that "'[y]ou could have taken 90 percent of the liberal thinkers at Baylor and found them in this small group.'"

Zengerle portrays Paul as socially awkward -- unable to fit in comfortably with country club Republicans in Fayette County. Paul, however, became a force by presenting himself as different, someone who is not a career politician. So Zengerle's depiction of Paul's inability or unwillingness to schmooze actually makes Paul's point.

The only truly creative take on Paul in this piece is Zengerle's description of Paul's hair: his "Timberlake-esque curls." We've seen thousands of images of Rand Paul this past year, and yet his supposed resemblance to Justin Timberlake had escaped me. It's conjuring disturbing images of Rand Paul hosting Saturday Night Live, Rand Paul as a Mouseketeer with Britney Spears, and Rand Paul singing falsetto.

It is a strange and cruel world when GQ analyzes the hair-style of Rand Paul rather than that of Jack Conway. Conway must be spitting mad. Conway is a man who would love to be profiled in GQ. He probably practiced GQ cover shots in his bedroom mirror, growing up. When women describe a man as "very GQ," they are referring to the look that Jack Conway has so assiduously cultivated, to no avail.

GQ does not profile Conway because not even Conway's hair can save him from irrelevance. For the man who attended the college that was supposedly the inspiration for Tom Wolfe's remarkable I am Charlotte Simmons, Conway is remarkably unremarkable. So the best Conway gets is a passing reference in Rand Paul's profile as the "also ran."

The most recent WHAS-11/Courier-Journal Bluegrass poll conducted by SUSA -- showing the race as supposedly a "dead heat" -- suggests that one of these candidates will lose by a Timberlake-esque hair.

Aqua Buddha Watch

The Courier-Journal reports that Rand Paul campaign is exploring its legal options in response to the GQ profile of Paul that referred to bong hits and what some (including the DNC) are mischaracterizng as Paul "kidnapping" a Baylor woman and making her worship "Aqua Buddha."

The anonymous source for GQ is a woman who says that she was on the Baylor swim team with Paul in 1983 and doesn't want to reveal her name because she is a clinical psychologist. (How hard could it be to actually find this lady? Her anonymity is about to implode.)

Plainly, this was no kidnapping. The woman gives no indication that she protested when Paul and his buddy supposedly showed up and blind-folded her. More likely she giggled, because as anyone in a fraternity or sorority knows, the only reason that companies still make those ugly red bandannas is so college kids can reprise Animal House.

Moreover, the woman states that she declined Paul and friend's offer of bong hits, and that they accepted her decision. It follows she could have refused to go with them altogether. But she did not.

Here's the part of her story that makes me wonder:

Nearly 30 years later, the woman is still trying to make sense of that afternoon. “They never hurt me, they never did anything wrong, but the whole thing was kind of sadistic. They were messing with my mind. It was some kind of joke.” She hadn’t actually realized that Paul wound up leaving Baylor early. “I just know I never saw Randy after that—for understandable reasons, I think.”

Here's what I don't get. If they were team mates -- and college swimmers generally practice twice daily -- how could she never see him again? If a swimmer suddenly drops off the team, his or her team mates would notice and comment. Yet Anonymous Source does not state that either she or Paul quit the swim team because of the incident, just that she "never saw Randy after that." It seems implausible.

In any event, Anonymous Source has just improved Paul's standing with the youth vote.

Rand's Wild and Crazy Days at Baylor

It seems Rand Paul was in some sort of secret society and participated in hazing a classmate by blind-folding her and trying to get her to do bong hits, and then telling her to worship a stream. (Hey, they were on the swim team!)

The Paul campaign's non-denial from Jesse Benton: "We'll leave National Enquirer-type stories about his teenage years in the tabloids where they belong." (Memo to self: subscribe to National Enquirer.)

Two thoughts. First, I'm pretty sure Trey Grayson never did anything like this. Kentucky Republicans wanted a fresh, colorful candidate and boy did we ever get one.

Second, I don't really care what the guy did in college as long as he will restore the federal government to its proper -- limited -- role and reduce the debt.